With apologies to The Beaker.
10. Get to sit at the computer in my underpants every day, not just Fridays. And without the harassment suits too.
9. Get to set my autoreply to “I’ll get back to you when I get back to you.”
8. Lots of pencils, lots of books, without the students’ dirty looks.
7. Get to say “not just no, but fuck no” to unsolicited requests for my time.
6. Research!!! Did I mention I get to write up the results in my underpants?
5. And with a beer in my hand.
4. Extra time to plot the destruction of my institution and everyone in it.
3. My calendar for this semester includes a plenary lecture at a Mediterranean resort, a research trip to one of the best wine regions in the world, and not much else.
2. You say that my letter of rec didn’t get there in time? Please see #9.
1. I haven’t interacted with an undergrad since May 2nd and my next interaction with one is still slightly more than a year away.