Thursday, July 3, 2014

Here's Walt, pining for the internet of 2007.

From Rate Your Students, January 5, 2009

Mission Accomplished. WW from W Rings the Death Knell.


"...all eyes on me in the center of the ring, just like a circus."


Well, y'all said you wanted to do it, and you did. We used to have the crazzy times here, we really did. We used to howl at the moon, drive with the windows down. We used to call it little and we used to love it. But not anymore.

You done killed the site.

The desperation just pours off the screen. Your need to be liked, your need to be professional. You get your name linked on the Chronicle and Inside Higher Ed pretty regular now, so you must be worth something, right?

Yep, you've killed it. And it was a shame, too, because you didn't have to.

I've watched the site almost from the start, and it's dismal what you've done. This place used to be a lot more real, a lot more fun, and a lot more wicked. But you've let the heathens in the door, letting needledicks like Outsider Otto tell us (from afar, mind you) what we should be doing. You've let these conference attendees have pages and pages of space to whine about their interviews, or the inhumanity of the interviewers, and it's all just a big clusterfuck. (I did enjoy the interview wrapup from some of the job seekers. Not because of the feel-good bullshit they all dripped, but because I just imagined the horror they'd feel when they actually got a job.)

I loved this site. I think a lot of longtime readers did. And now the place is all clean and well lighted (and heavily advertised!) and it's just another mainstream piece of bullshit. You know what it means if an idea has 75% of the faculty in favor of it? It's a colossal waste of time. If you let 5 academics run anything, it turns into the biggest fucking mess since the Bay of Pigs. (See, I read my history, too.)

I don't suppose you want to hear this because your darling new moderator, (Cricket isn't even a good made up name), seems to be steering the site right into the fucking sun, something that the past moderators (Compound Chlamydia, Compound Cankersore, etc.) had been doing for months.

You still toy with good ideas. That insane Katie was someone you could have strung along for months, printing her inane bullshit (she would have eventually sent pics of her cats, you know). And that new fella Archie has got some skillz, but as his posts have continued he's gotten more and more mainstream, more and more bootlicking, and pretty soon he'll be like that murderer's row of "regulars" you have, earnest, in need of affirmation, and dull as ditchwater.

My friends, you have killed it, a fresh fucking idea. It was better when it wasn't all so popular. I know you like the mail and the hits and the pageviews, and I'm sure those Nazis at Google probably reward you for increasing the ad units, but what are you doing this page for?

Are you needy? Are you shallow and pathetic and in need of someone telling you - "Hey, your little page is nice!"

If you're adults and still in need of that, then there's nothing I can say that can help you.

I'll keep checking in, just for old time's sake. Maybe you can get Weepy Wannabe Wayne to write an obituary. I'd do it. I'd fucking burn it up. But I'm too sorrowful to put in the time.

You done killed it. And I hate you for it.

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