Let's get the Sunday comics out of the way. Here is one of the best graduation speeches I've heard. By the year 2030, you'll be seeing Jayden, Shiloh and South in your classes.
OK, now for the academic crime beat.
A professor and his wife laundered money from a drug store they owned by selling pills to people without prescriptions.
Here's a joke for you: Why didn't the English professor cross the road? Because she was assaulting a police officer.
The saddest story of the lot is from Wilmington College where fourteen students are charged with hazing after a fraternity initiation event went wrong (do these things ever "go right"?). One kid was injured, resulting in doctors removing his testicle. That's bad enough but here are two more points worth considering. One of the arrested was 36 year old John Finkbone. 36! How fucking stupid are you at 36 to hang out with fraternity douches and do this sort of thing? The kid who went to the hospital - he says it was all a freak accident and doesn't have any hard feelings. I guess we know who he'll be hanging around when he's 36.