Monday, May 5, 2014
If I smack them, do they not bleed?
Laid-back Lester: Actually, I am tempted to give you an award for consistency. Everything you turned in this semester was late. And each time, by 10-15 minutes, whether due in class or due at my office. Every. Single. Thing. I swear I once saw you wait in the hall until ten minutes after class started and THEN come into class to turn in your work. Is it passive aggression? Does it give you a masochistic frisson of pleasure to get that 20% hit on each item? Or is it just too much trouble to set your fucking watch?
Giggly Gladys: You giggled as you asked if I would have the exam reworks graded before the final. Would it make a difference in your preparation if you knew your grade, I asked? Oh yes, you giggled, if I failed the exam rework (failed? an open book, open-notes rework?) then I’ll fail the course so I won't bother about the final exam, ha, ha. Really? You’d choose to take this course with me AGAIN? I am SO tempted to pass you just so I DON’T have to take you again. And stop with the laughing gas, already.
Snarky Simon: Although you were funny, and apparently praising (sucking up to) me; at the same time you were also dissing my colleagues. And as much as that makes me secretly pleased, as much as I believe that they are worthy of moderate contempt compared to my shining brilliance, still I would guess that you do the same to all of us – dissing the other faculty while sucking up to the one you’re talking to. Yes I laughed, but I won't increase your grade.
To all my precious snowflakes: Don't take it personally you all (ok, yes, take it personally), but I be making a not-so-subtle snark when handing out little treats at the end of final exam tomorrow: here, everyone, have some Dum-Dums. Yes, we will have our little jokes.
-- Horrible Meanie Prof