Johnny is reasonably bright but hasn't worked very hard in my class and has blown off the peer workshop sessions (which are worth points). He came to see me for the mandatory conference for the last essay with a story about girlfriend/job problems, 19 credits, blah blah, and no draft. His 15 source annotated bibliography had 8 short annotations, so that was an F. He submitted his essay in the LMS at 10:25 pm the night it was due (by 11:00 pm), which makes him 3rd from last to be graded (I grade in the order students turn things in, so the keeners get their feedback first and they stay happy).
As I was working my way through the last execrable lit essays today , this pops into my inbox:
portfolios for two other courses.
Hi, Johnny Snowflake from HAM 102, was curious if I'm going to end up passing your class or not. If you could grade my stuff soon so I know whether or not I'm going to have to take it again in the summer to graduate it would be appreciated. Thanks, Johnny
And because I have tenure, I was able to send this in response:
Johnny: I do not know whether or not you will pass. You currently have ***/***points, which is 66%. A passing C out of *** points is ***.**
I understand that you are worried because your circumstances led you to make poor choices, but please also understand that asking me to put you ahead of the rest of your classmates is a bit rude. Your work will be graded in the order it was received, and your final grade will be turned in before the May 27th deadline, and that’s all I can promise.
Does this happen to anyone else?
When I think back to my undergrad days, I simply cannot imagine sending a missive like this--even if I could have (email wasn't a thing in the Dark Ages). Nor can I imagine the equivalent--going to a prof's office to ask to be graded first.
Not only that--the idea that his bad choices somehow are now my emergency--just boggles my mind. I have been wading through poorly written prose all day, and that was just the last goddamned straw.
Burnt Chrome is fucking burnt.