Friday, April 11, 2014

Stacey from Sturgis: Smackety Smackety

Busy Business-major Bob: Your busy-ness does not make you seem important, just disorganized. When your third mid-exam request was to leave the classroom in order to feed a parking meter, and then you got all huffy when I said no, I thought: it would have been a good strategy to bring a pencil and eraser to a scheduled midterm. Or maybe you were too busy to check the syllabus, so when you swaggered as usual into the classroom and saw the Scantron forms, your unwarranted confidence gave way to a panicky nausea. Good! Do I have an ounce of compassion for you? No, but I do have some advice: if you're going to copy someone's homework, maybe make sure that person actually DID the homework instead of copying something irrelevant off the web.

Deja Stu: You don't know this, but I get you every semester, and the cumulative experience makes me cringe when you darken my door. You will arrive and wait in the hallway fifteen minutes before the office hour is scheduled to begin. You will smile a lot and call me "Professor" every chance you get. You will ask for feedback on "essays" that are really just handwritten lists of words, not even outlines, even though I ask for hard copies of actual paragraphs. You will try to make awkward conversation for the rest of the office hour if no other students show up. Then you will ask for a favor as if you have earned it. When I say no, you will ask again, as if we have a special relationship. And even though I will say no again, you will repeat all of the above next week.

Hippie Dippie Darla: My vibe makes it hard for you to learn? You speak for other students that everyone is scared of me? Because I made a facial expression when a student asked a question that was the very same question I had just finished answering? And this facial expression caused you to fail two quizzes and an exam? And to write a homework assignment so sloppily that I couldn't read it? Whose vibe is at fault here?

--  Stacey from Sturgis


  1. Love it! Deja Stu sounds like he needs to be sent on an errand or quest of some kind that involves the other end of campus.

  2. Stacey, don't be discouraged by so few comments. I think people love the smack down----they just don't have anything to add and are silent in their enjoyment.