Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Fear & Trembling is less so

Fear and Trembling sent us a Friday Thirsty about having a baby while ABD.  Here is her reply.

I'd like to thank everyone very much for sharing stories about having children! It's a big relief to hear confirmation that choosing to have one while ABD is sensible.

To address a couple of points or questions that folks raised: yes, my husband has a non-academic career, and he's generously ready to defer to mine because he cares a little less and it seems I'm actually on a good trajectory. I do have that steel willpower as well as the good fortune of having lived in our city long enough to imbricate myself into its relevant art institutions. I'm also attuned to Ogre's and others' note about how important it is to honor my husband's time and to model the habits we hope to pass on--perhaps especially harmonizing work and family. On that note, a big part of why we chose to have children now is so they and our parents could enjoy each other, and we have a few local grandparents (and aunts/uncles)-to-be who can't wait to spend time with our son.

I hope that we'll be able to raise our kids to be better than we are. For now I'm trying to demonstrate commitment to my department. It'll be a long long time before I'll in a position to "lean in." Instead, one of you once mentioned your mantra "f*** or pull out," which I've secretly adopted and which has proven its power time and again! You all have my sincere gratitude.

-- Fear and Trembling

1 comment:

  1. If your department is like ours, you'll have plenty of support and should do what you can to garner the sympathy/empathy of the person in charge of scheduling classes. :) Congratulations and good luck. Since I was teaching full time when I was ABD, it wasn't the best time for me to have a child, but I have friends and colleagues who opted for that. I think you'll make the best of what you can anyway because you seem pretty solid.