Seriously, people??? We have an in-service workshop on a topic you all enthusiastically endorsed and requested, and you all behave like untrained chimps at a buffet.
Water-logged Walter: Do you have a bladder infection, or does the siren song of the bathroom just lure you every 15 minutes when we have special invited guests?
Texting Tania: We know that no one within a five-foot radius is as important as whoever is texting you throughout a two-hour meeting. My, how important you must feel.
Sick Sarah: Thanks for coughing and sneezing all over our snacks. And for being the first one to go near them. You effectively put a kibosh on anyone else who wanted home-baked lemon scones and Snicker-doodles. Thankfully, the mandarin oranges were washable.
Doodling Daria: Given that you were sitting right next to the presenter, I am really curious why it seemed especially important to you to not raise your head ONCE to look up at the screen or at the handout in front of you, or to acknowledge that you were at a presentation and to instead fill in all of the holes in the vowels on the student paper you were studiously NOT grading. When the presenter commented on this, you were so engrossed in filling in that "e" that you didn't even get his less-than-subtle joke about OCD.
Grading Garry: Really? The "stack" of 18 quizzes that just HAD TO be graded at top speed in a rustling fashion at the beginning of the presentation was more important than learning how to cut your work load in half? Missing the irony here?
Perfect-Posture Perry: Your posture creeps me and the students out. You behaved admirably during the presentation by still managing to look down on the presenter who was standing above you.
Participating Patty: I'm sure the presenter did not want you to emphatically agree with and applaud absolutely every single word he shared. Nodding is one thing, but repeating what he said and adding, "That's what I'm talkin' about!" was a little much. Just a little. My favorite moment of yours was when he said, "According to the most recent studies..." and you interrupted him to gush, "OH, yes, recent studies!!"
Insecure Inez: Thank you for confirming for everyone how very insecure you are by challenging the presenter on every single item he presented on a topic about which you know next to nothing. I'm sure he thought you were most persuasive when you said in your condescending tone: "Well, in MY teaching experience..." and then proceeded to tell him why his life's work is less credible than your two years of teaching experience. You'll likely feel right at home at MLA.
Not everyone behaved so abominably. otherwise I might quit my job today. How in the world have I gone so long without detesting these people? They're usually pleasant, rational, thoughtful colleagues. And yet this past week, I was embarrassed to be one of them. It didn't stop me from eating all the mandarin oranges. I'm sure someone somewhere is posting a complaint about Greedy Cynic who hoarded the oranges... In my defense, they're good luck to my people, and given that I might now want to leave this department, I need all the luck I can get.
-- Contemplative Cynic