Decanal Dora: Thank you, it never occurred to me that I should assess my student learning by asking them to do a short writing at the end of class. How ever would that have occurred to me without your helpful suggestion, in the middle of a meeting on another topic, directed straight at me, as if I were an idiot? I particularly like that it came out of the blue and was entirely irrelevant to the rest of the the work of this committee. I also like that you didn't feel any need to shut your mouth because you're not the dean of my college, haven't taught for at least a decade, and when you did teach, taught a subject entirely unrelated to mine. The icing on the cake? My presentation on methods of classroom assessment that I delivered to a pedagogy conference recently. Next time, don't assume that I'm an idiot just because you are.
Musical Meredith: I love that you turned over a new leaf and are now awake in class, taking notes, and participating in the discussion. One thing though: at least when you slept through all my classes you didn't keep singing under your breath. I don't even think you realize you're doing it (and the weirdest thing? You have a nice voice. It'd be pleasant if it wasn't so goddamned weird). Speaking of . . .
Weird Wally: I actually do like you. I, too, was a socially awkward kid without a clear sense of social norms when I started college. But you seriously have got to stop trying to relate every single class discussion to events in computer games. The other students keep trying to catch my eye and smirk, and it's getting to the point where I have to stare at the back wall every time you talk.
Curious Calvin: What the hell is in your ear? If it hasn't come out yet, it isn't going to, and I can't imagine there's much more space up there for your finger to explore. (When it does come out, I don't want to be in the room.)
Apathetic Abernathy: You haven't read, don't take notes, have no idea what we're discussing in class, and stare sullenly into space. Every time I ask a question, you say "Uhhh, could you repeat the question?" Professors hear that as "I wasn't paying the slightest attention." I will give you an F. I know you don't believe it, because no one has done it before, but I will. Watch me.