Monday, February 17, 2014

What does the Google say?

Letting Google autocomplete your search queries can yield some amusing results.  Asking AWC commenters to respond to a post can get pretty hilarious too.  Dare we combine these two?  If the level of comedy becomes too great, causing something to divide by zero, creates a micro-black hole and destroys the universe as we know it, well... then you don't have to finish grading those papers.  You're welcome.

Here's our first entry:

Think of how many students it took to get these questions to the top of Google's list of search terms.  Don't let these curious scholars down.  Share your wisdom by answering any of them in the comments.


  1. Most bizarre to me: "the wolves are taking all our women???"

  2. The new graphic with Playskool people.
    Very appropriate.
    College today is kind of play school, not real school.

  3. do college freshmen get laid
    can college freshmen have cars
    do college freshman grades matter
    can college freshmen play football
    what do college freshmen need
    why do college freshmen gain weight
    what do college freshmen need for dorms
    why do college freshmen drop out

  4. why do business majors make more money
    why do business majors need calculus
    why do business majors have to take calculus
    why do all business majors need to study IT
    why do engineers hate business majors

  5. My autocompletes for "do professors" include "make good money" [um, no. At least not unless they're in a field that would allow them to make them much better money in the private sector (and maybe not even then)]

    "do professors li" yields "like students," "like their students," "like office hours," and "like writing letters recommendation" [sometimes; sometimes; sometimes; pretty rarely, at least in my case, but I do my best with the material provided to me]

    And what I was actually aiming for, "do professors live," yields "on campus," "longer," "at hogwarts," and "where do professors live" [no, with a few rare exceptions, on my campus; not sure; no, but I've gone some places that looked a bit like hogwarts, and more professors did live on campus there; wherever the housing price/commute time/fuel cost tradeoff puts them, which is often further from campus than they'd like]

    Can professors. . ."see what you do on blackboard," "see your transcript," "see your gpa," "date students" [to that last, they can, but they shouldn't, and, at least in most cases, why would they/we want to?]

    "Can professors afford" and "can professors afford to" do not auto-complete at all for me. Prospective Ph.D. candidates are apparently not doing the research they should.

  6. "Why are graduate students:" top reply: "The worst."

  7. Answers to the four questions posted: Yes, No, Sometimes, Always.

  8. "Do college students..." autofill at this time of year expresses concern about taxes.

  9. I have from "Why do college students..."
    ...drop out
    use adderall

  10. Compost: I'm not sure proffies always read papers, to judge from the incredulous looks I sometimes get when I some back.

  11. most college students are...
    ... owls with performance
    ... liberal
    ... idiots
    ... female

    (Clicking on that first one brought me to an article about student night owls and the relationship between bird-based archetypes and sucking at college)